


Years Wasted

by MarvelousAndProud



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Angst, M/M, mckirk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-22 12:23:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8285699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarvelousAndProud/pseuds/MarvelousAndProud
Summary: Not every first kiss is a good experience. Bones learns this the hard way.





	

Bones _hated_ it _._ He absolutely _hated_  the first time he and Jim kissed. It was _wrong_. It was _horrid_. It made him wish he had never even met that pain in the ass kid from Iowa with that cocky grin and stars in his eyes.

Hidden truths that would never see the light. Feelings that he had kept close to his chest. Why hadn’t Bones just told him? Told Jim how he felt about him, how crazy he made him feel and how he made him ache. The years they had spent together since the academy had been filled with Leonard furiously denying to himself what he felt for the young man. Years that he had snapped at Kirk and insulted him, sarcastic or not. Years wasted being cynical and lying to the both of them. Years wasted when what he truly wanted to do was take Jim by the sides of his face, mouths meshing together as he expressed what his words had failed to. 

God. Bones had thought about it for years. He had imagined how it would happen in a dozen different ways. Thought about the very first time they would kiss. 

Maybe it would be a simple thing, out of the blue. Leonard saw himself mustering up the courage to just stop Jim one day when they were alone. He wouldn’t rush it, he’d tell Jim to stop him if this wasn’t what he wanted. Then, leaning in, Bones would lightly, tenderly, press his lips to Jim’s. It would be brief but he imagined Kirk responding in kind.

Or perhaps it would be messy. Messy in the best of ways. Drinks would be had, laughter and jokes exchanged. Whether it was bourbon or whiskey that night, their inhibitions would be lowered. A misplaced touch here and there, fingers brushing together as hazel eyes met blue. They would just both know it was right, the timing would be perfect. With drunken grins they’d kiss. It wouldn’t be neat, it wouldn’t be a Hollywood style kiss filled with romance. That wasn’t them, it never had been. They were both a mess and it would be just right. 

Even better, maybe it would be exciting! _Thrilling_! Hours and hours filled with danger. Fighting Klingon warships and coming out on top. The bridge would be filled with celebratory yelps and sighs of relief. McCoy would be by Jim’s side of course, having sprinted from sickbay to make sure the captain was alright. Both men would be on edge, _adrenaline coursing through their veins_ and there wouldn’t be even a second thought. Without any hesitation, with nothing holding them back, they would embrace. And in front of all their officers, some of their closest friends, Leonard would kiss Jim, or perhaps it was Jim kissing him. It didn’t matter. It would be deep, passionate, and something they would never forget. 

He had imagined it in a dozen different ways but there were hundreds in which Leonard wanted to kiss his captain every time that followed. He had never imagined the first would be like this though. _This was_ _all wrong_. He hated it, hated kissing Jim. It made him sick to his stomach. They should be in Jim’s quarters or the observation deck. Under the stars with Jim helping Bones to forget he even hated space.

It shouldn’t be like this. They shouldn’t be on the cold, hard ground, with sounds of phasers and screaming chaos all around them. This was all wrong. Bones shouldn’t feel hot tears well up in his eyes as his lips melded with Kirk’s. And lastly—He shouldn’t have been counting in between…

“One—two— _three—_ ”…….“One—two— _three—_ ”…….”Damn it, Jim. _Breathe for me._ ”

 

This is how things ended yet stories must start from a beginning. 

 


End file.
